Would like to get your views on my concept.

Please check my design #28779149 and let me know, If need any more changes please advise me and don't hesitate to ask for a revision.
Thanks!

Dear Honorable Sir,

Possible feedback on my design #28786349 would be much-appreciated .

Thank you.

please check my new design

Please kindly remove low star rating it will impact my rating so eliminate instead.
Thank you

I have done so